It never fails, whenever the media seems to be short of a big story, we naturally get some sort of hysteria over an all encompassing crisis that’s certain to convince the average couch dweller that the end of civilization is nigh. Right now it’s Swine Flu, the killer epidemic that has already claimed the lives of millions if not billions, and will shortly own its own firm of Washington D.C. lobbyists. Swine Flu has come to America before, which resulted in the death of every single America between the years 1967 and 1972. Luckily new more efficiently made Americans were imported from Sweden and Japan, thus saving America.

So far a single baby from Mexico has died in America of Swine Flu. And apparently a minister who met with Obama. This hasn’t stopped the media from building up the same panic that they did for Avian Bird Flu, that killed every single American between 1992 and 2007, or the Y2K virus that caused nuclear weapons to launch prematurely and blow up the entire planet. So now the media is in full on shriek mode. The Vice Idiot in Chief has warned all Americans to stay out of planes, subways and crowded areas, because apparently he’s old enough to remember the Influenza epidemic. The media of course is only too happy to splash his hysterical nonsense right next to their own hysterical nonsense, sandwiched between photos of people in Mexico wearing generally useless surgical masks.

I can’t help but think that we’d have a much better behaved press if every business that lost revenue because of some media shrillfest could actually sue them for damages. It might breed less reports on THAI FLU VIRUS OF DOOM or WENGER’S TROJAN HORSE WILL EAT YOUR COMPUTER ON FEBRUARY 30 that the press seems positively addicted to. I know responsible journalism went extinct with the dodo and the honest election, but since the American public can’t collectively bitch slap CNN, except in the ratings, maybe it’s time to hold news organizations accountable for baseless hysteria.

Oh by the way Swine Flu killed every single American between 2009 and 2012. Luckily more efficient and weirder were quickly imported from the 8th Dimension.