How to Write a Battlestar Galactica Episode
These days Battlestar Galactica is a very popular SciFi TV series among people who don’t watch TV or read SciFi. That means everyone wants to write their own Battlestar Galactica episode. The question is how, but the answer is very simple. First take a piece of paper, write down your favorite things about the show and then crumple it in a little ball and put it in your mouth. Ron Moore should receive your pitch in six to eight weeks.
But to be serious for a picosecond, writing a Battlestar Galactica episode is very easy for those who haven’t tried it. All you need to do is break down your episode into the same exact elements that every other Battlestar Galactica episode has.
Let’s get started
1. A regular or recurring character experiences a drinking binge or a crisis of faith that causes him or her to question his or her beliefs while engaging in senseless and self-destructive behavior.
2. An extended armed standoff takes place between armed individuals or starships in which no one but a minor supporting character dies to milk some pathos out of the moment.
3. Someone has a vision, consisting of music, scenes from previous visions and no explanation for any of it.
4. Several Cylons or humans or both talk about how depressed they are and wonder if life has any meaning at all.
5. Adama and an unstated number of characters brood significantly while staring at A) Space B) A bulkhead C) Their own palm D) BSG’s last remaining audience
Now that you have these 5 vital elements in place, it’s easy to assemble your episode. Just plug in whatever names you feel comfortable with.
Let me set it up for you…
__________ experiences a crisis of faith after ____________ and winds up _________ to ______________. Meanwhile the ___________ faces an armed standoff with _____________ even as _____________ experiences further visions causing him\her to question whether ______________ is even real. Also ____________ broods a lot.
Feel free to plug anything in there, it’ll still be considered visionary no matter what you insert in there. For example
Chief _ experiences a crisis of faith after _ catching a cold from a nebula ___ and winds getting drunk to __a wind farm. Meanwhile the ___ bulkhead __ faces an armed standoff with ___ Hera ___ even as __someone___ experiences further visions causing him\her to question whether __teddy bear___ is even real. Also ___Adama__ broods a lot.
Congratulations you’ve written your first Battlestar Galactica episode. Now crumple it up and stick it in your mouth. Ron Moore will be sure to receive your pitch in 6 to 8 weeks.
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Stumble it!
It has actually become interesting to watch the BSG fanatics reactions to episodes. With “The Oath,” they are now in a complete “hating Gaeta” mood. The basic reasoning seems to be that he’s evil because he opposes Roslin and Adama. Nevermind that Roslin has gone bonkers and Adama is ignoring the civilian government. There’s something Orwellian about the hate. It’s not for anything reasoned. It’s all about opposition to the leader(s) and by extension the writer (RDM). Moore is leading them to the Cylon/Human utopia and Zarek and Gaeta stand in the way of that.
Comment by Terrahawk — February 4, 2009 @ 8:20 am
They decided to virtually randomly plug in Gaeta as the “intolerant bad guy” who doesn’t want a Cylon-Human alliance, after throwing him all over the map for a few years. He’s working with Baltar, he hates Baltar, he’s working with the Resistance, he hates Cylons, etc
And yeah Adama and Roslin don’t know what they’re doing and never did. Roslin was running on delusions, and Adama is just stuck with the job, and has a nervous breakdown every time things get really tough.
There is no reason for anyone to have confidence in their leadership. But the fanboys need some sort of orientation, even though Ron Moore has made it clear he doesn’t care what they think, and that he’ll juggle around the characters any way he likes. So they can hate Gaeta now, even though on BSG there really are no bad guys. Not even the Cylons. Which makes their hate stupid and pointless.
Comment by O_Deus — February 4, 2009 @ 6:22 pm
Well, this week ended in hilarity. Roslin is completely bonkers. Her actions are those of a person who is not stable. Really, I could see people joining Zarek just to shut her up.
RDM had to stack the deck to end up with Adama and Roslin winning. Lee and Kara somehow get to run all over the place with near impunity. One guy somehow decides to let a Cylon (Tyrol) live. The Cylons don’t do the smart thing and just leave. Really, how is the fleet, which is slower than they are, supposed to protect them? For some reason, no one places guards outside of CIC where the marines then roll a couple of grenades down the corridor and slaughter Adama and his Cylon force. Tyrol somehow gets to unguarded engineering and stops the FTL. The Quorum, which has always been at odds with Adama and Roslin, somehow now doesn’t like Zarek. Yeah, right… And Romo can now kill you with a pen.
Zarek, probably the most sympathetic or at least most competent character on the show, actually understands what he is doing and what he is trying to achieve. Also, I doubt he would have pulled the coup without at least some guaranteed support of the Quorum.
Continuing awesome logic of the fanboys is that it is evil to hate the Cylons because racism is evil.
I hail the newly re-established oligarchy of the Adama’s and Roslin. Long may they lead humanity to it’s self-destruction.
Comment by Terrahawk — February 8, 2009 @ 6:44 pm
The entire exercise made zero sense right down to Adama suddenly retaking the ship, and Junior taking down all the firing squad down without firing a shot.
And Zarek needed to gain a vote from the quorum before the coup, or assassinate Roslyn, and he would have had been able to give Gaeta the backing of the civilian government. So his behavior was senseless.
Comment by O_Deus — February 8, 2009 @ 7:51 pm